Plastering the Inveterate Canker

· 25 March 2019 ·

[Bearishly belittling Bill’s bandages]

I am not glad that such a sore of time
Should seek a plaster by condemning revolt,
And hide the inveterate canker of his wound
By making many.

Salisbury in King John, Act V Scene 2. Almost.Like a groggy bruin at this time of year, I’m beginning to revive from a bout of hibernation. I needed a break after all the shrew-taming last summer. Can’t produce at my old rate, and there were other demands on my time.

If you’ve been loyal enough to check the site over the past few months (blessings upon you), you must be tired of seeing the pie-chart confetti banner that topped the last post. So here’s a quick, short, bannerless bit that will serve until I get something more substantial finished. You’ll have to bear with me.A while back, I received this tin of plasters as a prank.

front and back of the tin

My partisans enjoy sharing with me examples of Willy’s current career as an indiscriminate marketing shill. Snarky Bard band-aids are a good example, though nothing has yet knocked the Shakespeare Birthplace Trust’s bathtub duck off the peak of Mount Ridiculympus-upon-Avon. To quack or not to quack…

08 August 2019: Looks like the SBT itself has knocked Willy the Duck from his perch – the page is no longer found. Fortunately, the Wayback Machine exists, so he can keep on quackin’. And at least for the time being, you can still find him at Amazon UK. Please note, he doesn’t swim upright. Sometimes the metaphors write themselves.

The other part of the joke is that my present post-existential state requires little in the way of first aid. But I realised that these bandages could be made useful, even motivational, for breathing, bleeding Oxfordians. All it takes is some legerdemainbrain.

Of the fifteen plasters, six were duplicates.
Scammed by 40%. One of the ones shown
might not have been inside the tin.

The trick is to turn the tables. These insults aren’t by Willy, they’re at him. You know bloody well he didn’t write them, so it’s a simple matter to make him their target, not their origin.

The plasters bearing his mug are easy, he’s stuck right to you, attending your contempt. Those with the quill and inkpot make an obvious reference to the Shakspere Penmanship Question.

Voilà.

VERO NIHIL VERIUS